


tomorrow can be for forgiving

by littlebmam



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, One Shot, i took canon and then did whatever i wanted with it, tiny hint of PTSD but literally blink and you'll miss it, well it's probably more hopeful than happy but they will be alright
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29616615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebmam/pseuds/littlebmam
Summary: When Bernie comes back from Ukraine, she is filled with regret and ready to grovel. When Bernie comes back from Ukraine, Serena is still heart-broken. So they talk.
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	tomorrow can be for forgiving

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Sweetheart Come by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Bernie poured a bottle of beer into her glass, causing the foam forming on the top to nearly spill over and down onto the kitchen counter. Serena bit her lip to refrain from saying anything about the carelessness with which Bernie seemed to do everything except her job.

The radio was playing in the background, the sound coming from it pooling everywhere in the unusually claustrophobic space around them, making its way into the depths of Serena’s soul. She suddenly had the urge to scream because of the torturous sadness oozing from every inch of her, inside and out.

This feeling hadn’t just fallen out of the bloody sky. It had most definitely been there for months now. The cause? The cause was licking her fingers to get rid of the foam she had wiped off her top lip after having taken a sip of her room temperature beer.

Serena didn’t touch her wine. She’d had more than enough of it in the recent weeks and she felt drunk enough already despite not having taken a single sip. She got this way around Bernie and ordinarily it made her want to reach for a drink so that she would have an actual reason to feel like the entire world was turning on its axis, like she might fall over if she wasn’t careful with the next step she took, if she didn’t look where she was going but was instead gazing into a pair of burnt umber eyes.

But no. This time Serena ignored the glass she had poured herself standing in front of her. Instead she focused on her breathing and the woman in front of her and the music coming from the radio she could not for the life of her remember turning on, and the sudden lack of air in her lungs because _why the fuck did she still care?!_

“You know I love you, right? With-” Bernie’s voice broke but she didn’t seem all that bothered by it. She actually looked to be about a million miles away. “I love you, _without measure_ , Serena.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Bernie took another sip of her beer, hiding her lips behind her hand holding the glass that looked to be about as stable as the first steps of a child, and her eyes behind her fringe. Serena couldn’t see the effect her bitter words had had on Bernie.

She actually did know that Bernie loved her. Otherwise she wouldn’t have run. But she had. Run, that is. And broken Serena’s heart in the process. And now she’s back and Serena’s heart is still broken but Bernie is here now and she'd said she loves Serena. Without measure. But the foundation they were supposed to build _them_ on had been blown up, the pieces scattered everywhere and some of them missing entirely and Serena didn’t know if any of it could ever be fixed.

“That’s fair. But I do. And I know it’s late and I should have told you before I left. I should _never_ have left in the first place. But I did and it’s late but it’s not never so it must mean something, yes?”

Serena still couldn’t see Bernie’s eyes and she didn’t really want to. They were a distraction, always had been. But Bernie’s voice had wobbled when she’d spoken and now she took another sip of her beer, probably to flush down the clomp that had taken residence in her throat.

“Robbie came back.”

Serena saw Bernie’s grip on her glass tighten, her knuckles turning white, and Serena was worried she might end up injuring herself should she break the glass.

“You’re a surgeon, you need your hands. If you screw them up your life won’t be worth living.”

Serena was being harsh and cruel and it was nothing if not deserved.

“If Robbie touches you again _his_ life won’t be worth living.” Bernie let go of the glass, folding her hands in her lap.

“Stop it. I don’t need this stupid macho bullshit right now,” Serena spat out, annoyed by the possessiveness of Bernie’s words. She had no right to say things like that.

“So what _do_ you need?”

“I don’t know!” Serena slapped her hand on the counter. Bernie flinched at the sound, her fringe flying away from her face and Serena could see the wide doe eyes filled with sadness, regret and fear.

“I don’t know,” she repeated at a calmer, much quieter tone for she truly did not know what she wanted or needed. She wanted Bernie, that much she knew. Did she need her as well, she could not say. Sometimes she felt like Bernie was nothing but an addiction that was ultimately going to destroy her completely.

Bernie took a shaky, deep breath before saying slowly, as if measuring each and every one of her words more carefully than she did her movements when dealing with a particularly nasty physical injury to someone’s heart, “I don’t claim to understand what you’re going through because I don’t. I know I hurt you and none of what is happening here right now is of your own creation. And I want to fix this. I need to fix this because the thought of hurting, _having_ hurt you is unbearable. But I don’t know how to fix this or even if I can. So please, tell me what to do?”

Serena sighed before giving the same answer she had already given twice, just as slowly, her tone just as measured, “I don’t know.”

Bernie’s breath hitched, her eyes once again hidden away. “I’m a coward but for once in my life, I’m trying to be courageous. I would, _will_ do anything you want. Just name it.”

Any and all fight there had been in Serena vanished into wind and air until there was nothing left but infinite longing. Longing for all of this to be over so they could somehow move on to whatever it was that was meant to come next.

“Then I guess I need to be courageous as well,” Serena murmured, moving the untouched glass of wine in front of her between two hands, sliding it across the counter left and right, the content sloshing slightly.

“What?”

“If- _if_ I open my arms, my heart to you again, what are you going to do?” Serena asked, her voice even but her insides trembling because she could stress the word ‘if’ until the cows came home but the truth was that with this sentence she had done exactly that – left herself open and vulnerable to the one person who had the means to tear her to shreds.

“I will love you. I do love you. And I will stay beside you until infinity and then beyond that and I will never leave you behind again. We can be happy, Serena. I promise.”

“Okay,” Serena said and that was it. She’d given in and somehow it didn’t feel like she’d lost. She wasn’t sure she’d won either but in a way this Schrödinger's battle she’d just finished was better than nothing. “Better late than never.”

“Thank you.” Bernie’s eyes looked moist again but Serena suspected that this time around it was for an entirely different reason.

“Don’t thank me just yet. Today was about courage, forgiveness will have to wait until tomorrow.”

Bernie’s response was a jerky nod. As promised, she accepted whatever Serena was willing to give. “I can live with that.”

Serena pushed back her chair and stood, holding out her hand.

“Come.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was in a weird mood so I wrote this in one go and then put it here.  
> Sorry?  
> (Not a native speaker so pardon any mistakes I probably made)


End file.
